the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
