life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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