i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
