Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
