my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
