She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
