and you said cock pushups were impossible
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
