so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
