he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
