So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
