don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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