I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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