laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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