dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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