I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
