Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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