If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
