Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
