We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
