be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
