The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
