Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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