Your face is a jimmy john
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
