His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
