I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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