she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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