Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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