i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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