Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
