It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
