Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize