I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
