it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
