I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
