So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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