My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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