I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i came on her dog
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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