yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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