i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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