we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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