It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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