Do you still have your period?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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