Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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