My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
