i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
