I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize