I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
