it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
