you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone signed my nipple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
