You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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