last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
