saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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