I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
