five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
