That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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