I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
smell my finger.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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