if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
