She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
