You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
