Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize