God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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