I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
