Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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