Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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