Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize