Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize