Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
