haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
