Christians are straight up FREAKS
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
