well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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