i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
