Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
