I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
