Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
