i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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