Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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